So here it is, December 26. I did no Christmas letter, no Christmas cards, no family photo, I didn't even put gift tags on presents this year. So, to sum up my year, here is a quick, down and dirty Christmas newsletter. January ... Started anew and moved into an apartment with 3 other dudes. February ... Continued my job as a 5th grade fill in for my good friend Sunny. March ... Celebrated my 29th birthday on March 9th! April ... Flyers went to the Stanley Cup Playoffs. May ... Really wasn't that special of a month ! June ... Started working at The Underdog Wine Bar in Livermore. July ... Started taking up Painting as a serious hobby August ... Celebrated 19 years of being alive after being shot in the dome.. September ... Started new school year. Jobless..... October ... Walnut Creek, here we come. November ... Celebrated being thankful with three nieces, two Brother in laws, a new Sister in law and loving an amazing life. December ... Completed my year in Walnut Creek with three new paintings. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. God Bless.
Growing up in the Ruff House we had some strange traditions. There are too many to list on this entry that were either too awkward or too embarrassing to describe to you all. One of my favorite traditions out of the whole year was our Christmas celebration. We would all wake up at the crack of dawn, while waiting for my Dad and Mom to get up from the previous night of wrapping presents. Before we could touch any of the presents, we had to go "to Church". By "going to Church", I mean that we had a Ruff Christmas service in our living room. We all had our parts to complete the service. My brother Aaron started off the service with reading a bible verse. After he chose and read a verse or two in the Bible, my sister Rebecca said a prayer. Next up in the Church service was the song. Consequently, my sister Susannah chose a few songs for us to sing. Here comes the best part of the service, The Sermon. Seeing that I have followed in the footsteps of the best Pastor that I have ever known, I was never prepared. Who ever thinks about writing a sermon or even a speech before opening up presents on my favorite holiday! All that I can remember is that the sermons were short, but sweet. Usually prepared in less than 10 minutes and were based on thoughts and actions from the previous year in my life. Being alone for the first time in let's see my whole life on Christmas, I have had a long time to reflect on my life and where it is going and where I fit into others lives. I had a thought that I would reenact my Christmas tradition with my family, sans family. And this year, I researched, did my studying and for my sermon thanks to the gift of the internet will show a nativity video. One that touched my heart immensely. Welcome to the 4 siblings Church.
Aaron-
Matthew 1:18-25
This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."
All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel"—which means, "God with us."
When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.
Rebecca-
Dear Heavenly Father, Help us remember the birth of Jesus, that we may share this day with our family members remembering that the real reason for Christmas is for YOU. The last few years for all of us has been tough
Close the door of hate and open the door of love for us all Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting. Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clear hearts.
May the Christmas morning make us happy to in our stomachs and within our hearts, Gifts isn't everything on this holiday. We celebrate our love for YOU and mom's Cinnamon Rolls forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus' sake. Amen.
God grant me the Serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.
God, grant me Forgiveness to know that If I choose not to forgive others, they Won’t lose near as much sleep over It as I will.
God, grant me Prosperity to know that If I work toward my goals with a more Cheerfully creative attitude, and with More enthusiasm for the process Instead of the outcome, success Will be sweeter. God, grant me Wisdom to realize That even though I only think I Received nothing that I wanted…. I always received everything that I Ever needed in order to grow at The pace perfectly suited to my Soul’s real needs.
How are you doing? I'm sorry for being distant for a bit. I was just taking some time tonight to think about how thankful I am for my life and what completes it. I have a Chronic disease in which I will eventually fall victim to. It's a daily reminder to me that I have to take each day and treat it like it will be my last. I almost lost my life when I was thirteen. It is also a keen reminder that I need to love my life for what it's worth. My life has been pretty Sucky for a few years ending in my unfortunate separation from the only girl that I ever have truly cared for in my up and down life. It all comes to a head this week as I need to travel to Martinez and sit in front of a judge and argue dollars and sense. I've never been a fan of arguments as most people know. Arguing destroys relationships. It destroys healthy communication that is dire for people to grow within a community. I am very lucky that I have a healthy community of friends around me that can be there for me to talk life, push me towards the positive things that can make my life stronger than it has been and will hopefully be. Wednesday will most doubtingly be the toughest day in my life for quite a long time. It may be the last time that I see my former "everything" face to face. You never know how things will go after this. My heart still bleeds for us. It is now that I see that I need to fight my way through this quite the same way as I have taken other difficult obstacles in my life. I thank you for being there for me this past year. Each and everyone that I know I am thankful for you. You make me smile, which is very crucial as I enter this next step in my life. Thank You.
It's been a long week. I feel like days are running over into the next. I feel really tired. I want to paint all of the time. I feel good about being semi employed. Round 2 of Judge Wapner hits me next Tuesday. I hate arguments with a passion. I wish having to go through the motions didn't exist. My Christmas Party at the winery is tomorrow night, that should be fun. Swingers Bowling starts 1st week in January, psyched about that. It's Christmastime and time for celebration. The Phillies signed Cliff Lee today, I'm super pumped
about this acquisition. Even though the Phillies are slowly turning into the National League Yankees, I still support my boys in Red. I'm tired and have a full day tomorrow. Have a great Tuesday!
I'm torn tonight, more than I have ever been in the past 2.5 years. It is true that we are all betrayed by people in our life, but some examples are few and far between what others experience through their lives. I have been unaware and not informed about things in my life that are very pertinent with my maturation in life. They all knew it and I was blinded by the life. Blinded by a person that I thought did so much for everyone with his words and guidance in life. I have had plenty of people tell me that it was your choice, just deal with it. But no, that's not it. You haven't talked with me in almost a year now. Your life choice is now your life. I have said that I will keep praying for you, but just posting that you are an evangelical christian on your facebook doesn't do it for me. Man we've been through a bunch as a family and to hear what I heard tonight makes me more than sad..... it makes me disappointed. Piecing together my relationship for the past 15 or so years, within the last 5 months is tearing me apart. It would have been better if I was there with your other son to feel the shame he endured. You know I really feel left out on my Father's life. I should not feel that way. It's usually the other way around right. The estranged parent missing out on their son or daughters life because of life's misfortunes. Before typing this out I began writing out the words that came directly to my head. I've already been reminded tonight by one of my close friends in AZ that he has always been impressed by my control of my language, so I will refrain from the words that were typed out. I am just very disappointed with my 63 year old Father. Talking the life and living the life has never been included within a double life. So much to get out. Yes, so much however I will never get that chance. 1, even two was the extent that I thought. Hundreds makes my heart cry out Yahweh.
I have never really been a fan of lyrics of songs. Pretty much the main reason I listen to music is for the sound and the tone or beat. Lately, I have been dissecting lyrics in songs as they come alive in certain songs. I write about certain songs on TDLML as if they are helping through certain situations in my life.
During my enriching marriage with Amy, I would find songs that I wished would remind me of our time together. I would listen to music and use that inspiration to help me plan special nights or use the lyrics to add to inspire my writing.
I like Coldplay. Chris Martin has a wonderful Prose while writing his songs. The song The Scientist has been a favorite of mine for a while. I used to dance with her to this because I thought that it was a great love song at the time.
Lately, I have been looking more into the lyrics as a cure to my consistent happiness. However as I was singing the lyrics to The Scientist the other day, the words hit me for a loop. It was just strange to me that we would dance to this song as a love song, when after 8 years of marriage the lyrics actually came to fruition. The bolded words were actually happening. It's weird how things happen like that sometime.
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you, tell you I need you, Tell you I set you apart.
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions, Oh lets go back to the start. Running in circles, Comin' in tails Heads on a science apart.
Nobody said it was easy, It's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard. Oh take me back to the start.
I was just guessin' at numbers and figures, Pulling the puzzles apart. Questions of science, science and progress Do not speak as loud as my heart.
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me Oh and I rush to the start. Runnin' in circles, Chasin' tails Comin' back as we are
Nobody said it was easy,Oh it's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy,No one ever said it would be so hard. I'm goin' back to the start.
Middle School Math. The most difficult thing that I don't ever remembering how to do. I'm sure that there are plenty of other people that know how to do this, (my buddy Johnny Saleman) however I was never able to get the hang of it. It is true that I need these math skills in my everyday life, I just wish that I knew ore about trigonometry and the tougher Algebra standards. The first day that I started teaching in Hayward, I was thrown into an algebra readiness class with 7th grade students. The everyday teacher left me notes asking me to introduce reciprocals and factoring binomials and trinomials including using protection while factoring. No notes, no examples for me to be guided on, nothing to go by but my extremely positive strong middle school math memory. It was a very tough day! I just remember the students laughing and joking about how the teacher wanted me to instruct them about Protection. No joke....... He told me in the notes that if I used humor about protection then the students would remember how to use the FOIL method; which is pertinent to binomials. The day ended with 6th period refusing to calm down. I don't think that I was or will ever be cut out to teach middle school math or at a secondary level.
If a sad feeling goes on for too long, hurts too deeply, and makes it hard for you to enjoy the good things about your life, it's called depression. Here are some of the signs and symptoms of depression: (from depression.org)
feeling empty or numb
feeling hopeless (like there's nothing to look forward to)
feeling guilty or worthless
feeling lonely or unloved
feeling irritable and annoyed a lot (every little thing gets on your nerves)
feeling like things are not fun anymore
having trouble keeping your mind on schoolwork or homework or getting bad grades
having trouble keeping your mind on things like reading or watching TV or not remembering what a book or a TV show was about
having less energy and feeling tired all the time
sleeping too much or not enough
not eating enough and weight loss or eating too much and weight gain
thinking about death or thinking about suicide
spending less time with friends and more time alone
crying a lot, often for no reason
Like myself, people who have depression may not even know it. Often it's a parent or teacher who notices behavior changes like the ones in the list above. Depression can run in families. Some people have depression after the loss of someone really close, such as a fruitshack parent; long-lasting problems at home, including divorce, or alcohol use. But people may be depressed for no apparent reason.
Depression has changed my life.
It's given me a chance to view my life and change what I need to for my future. I'm trying to change these details in my life to better myself for the future. It's tough tonight. Sorry for this entry, but sometimes I feel like I'm 60 yr. old living with a 25 yr. old. My life decisions are getting so out of my age range it drives me to figure out what is pertinent in my life. I'm getting old. Ughhhh. Anyway, check out my latest painting at the top, derived from the thoughts and notes from my Grandfather.
