Emotionally yes.
Physically, even though it wouldn't hurt to start a new life Chronic disease free and void of after effects of Head Trauma, I'll just stick with the life that I have. I've vented in forums before about the different gifts that have been dealt to me over the past few years, whether amazing or downright sucky. The thing is though, my thoughts have to be told somewhere, and to someone. When my Father decided to do his little flip flop a few years ago it took me by surprise. I mean I'm usually never taken back like I was on that night, back in October of 2008. Some of us know that he would have probably been content living the life he was living moving forward if he was not found out that blistery fall night. However, it really is difficult for me to sit and watch the deterioration of a once prominent man that I so longingly looked up to along with many, while his life is spiraling two new lows. I have not found a commonplace where I can meet him yet. Yes he is my Father and the only one that I will ever have, but I have still not reached that place yet. I am trying to find a way to figure him back into my life, but his sin is pushing him farther and farther away from me. I would love it if I could turn back the sands of time and been able to have that conversation again. He knows that talk. The one in 2008 while the Phillies were clinching the NL East just before entering the playoffs. It really would not have changed the outcome of what would occur a few days later, but it would probably had given me time to talk with him one on one, before he decided to take off from our life. It's just really difficult for me to figure that it's not only such a difficult lifestyle that he chose over us, but the downward spiraling effect that he has endured the past few years and in turn I have felt that burden on my heart. I just really wish that I could have that man that loved God so very much, that wanted to be in touch with every nook and cranny of his 4 kids lives and was devoted to their future welfare back in that form. The thing that is so disheartening to me, is that it will never happen. My new life, starting soon will entail a new adventure. Looking toward the positive and not adding to the negative points in life. A new emotional life to go with my scarred, physical exterior could start taking me places. Emotions can always be worked on, start by building it from the ground up.
