My mama mama mama

Welcome to The Weekend

This week has gotten me really tired.

Maybe its my old bones, my loss of sleep

or the countless minutes that I have spent writing

plans for my future. But you know what, I can't complain.

I love it....and I love my nieces,

if you didn't know that already.

Time for some rest and relaxation of the weekend.

Kinda reminds me of a catchy song that I try to erase from my memory.

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

It's a brand new day.

And So it Begins.......

"Turmoil"

What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man, You cannot say, or guess, 

for you know only A  heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter,the cricket no relief, And the 

dry stone no sound of water. Only There is shadow under this red rock, 

(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

T.S. Eliot 

Secret Grace

 I can understand for this moment
whatever is happening in my life

However heavy my heart feels,
or how difficult the trials may be
I know I can keep on believing,
the myriad that make up

my thoughts and dreams.
I know darkness will fade into morning,
and with this dawn a new day, too.

I understand that our life is an empty canvas

waiting to be drawn out.
I know that we mold, create and shape our life.

With our faith, we trust, to be born again.
I try to lead by example, knowing
  that my smile merely brightens a day for others, 

while their reaction brings my heart closer to home.
I hope that my darkness is hidden from the rear view
  and our pain is halved by sharing the same feeling 

that others endure throughout a lifetime of grace.

JR 8/17

Man that canvas is large.

I'm sure it will look good in your house Steve.

By the way Nick...

take a break from snowboarding and

traveling the world

and come pick up your painting.

They look good together next to each other, don't they?

It's all come Full Circle.

Today was a good day.

It was better than good...

It was Awesome!

I have waited a long time in my profession

to show them what I'm worth.

Today I received a call while at work,

from a principal recommending me for her

open third grade position.

I'm ecstatic to say the least. 

I've had people tell me that I will eventually

have the right things go the right way in my life.

In the past month, I have come to terms with disappointment.

I said goodbye to people that molded my life.

Maybe it was that fresh start that I needed to say goodbye to the 

negative outlying factors that I've dealt with.

Maybe one needs to hit rock bottom before they can 

pick them self up off of the ground and make strides 

within their own soul. I feel that time is now for me.

Here is to better and brighter days.

Thoughts.

A New Day

I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they go right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Grace filled Tragedy

The last 20 years have brought me many things.

Perspective.

Maturity.

Growth.

Adoration.

Humility.

Belief.

Wisdom.

Thankfulness.

These 20 years have been very difficult for me.

Learning how to walk.

Training myself to write.

Reteaching my brain how to coerce with others.

Keeping my emotions intact during my ups and downs.

But throughout these 20 years I have earned 

Grace.

Patience.

Gratefulness.

Friendship.

So I guess troubling times can turn into a blessing.

I never asked for this long, difficult walk.

I don't think that anyone ever really does.

I'm appreciative of my supportive family.

My wonderful Friends

Anyone that has helped me throughout these last 20 years.

I know it's been a long time

but I feel like August 8, 1991

was just like yesterday.

Thankful.

Blessed.

Wanting more.

 

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I know that things are broken
I know there’s too many words left unsaid
You say you have spoken, like the coward I am, I hang my head
You lay careless, your head on my chest
And don’t even look at me looking my best

And all these things I can’t describe, you would rather I didn’t try
But please, don’t cry you liar
Oh please, don’t cry you liar
Oh please, don’t cry you liar
Oh please, don’t cry you liar
Oh please, don’t cry you liar
Oh this love I have found, I detest

I'm really torn lately.....

Are we to love the sinner but hate the sin?

 The longer we are together
the larger death grows around us.
How many we know by now
who are dead! We, who were young,
now count the cost of having been.
And yet as we know the dead
we grow familiar with the world.
We, who were young and loved each other
ignorantly, now come to know
each other in love, married
by what we have done, as much
as by what we intend. Our hair
turns white with our ripening
as though to fly away in some
coming wind, bearing the seed
of what we know. It was bitter to learn
that we come to death as we come
to love, bitter to face
the just and solving welcome
that death prepares. But that is bitter
only to the ignorant, who pray
it will not happen. Having come
the bitter way to better prayer, we have
the sweetness of ripening. How sweet
to know you by the signs of this world!

Wendell Berry

My Secret

Now - here is my secret:

I tell it to you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God - that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love.

— Douglas Coupland

My first 36" by 48"

Better pictures to come once dry.

i'm sad tonight........

My buddy is leaving soon.

He's doing something that others never do.

Take a chance, a risk with his life and move away

from this large bubble we call the Bay Area.

I met Brian about 2 years ago when I was still working at the Restaurant. He's more than a friend... he's a brother. 

He's talked me through a bunch of things, when I just wanted to quit and throw in the towel. We go back and forth toward arguing about sports with my love for Philly and his love for the Bay. We discuss matters that don't mean much and matters that touch the heart. He has introduced me to the skill of bartending and the amazing ability to Karaoke. I can only laugh and reminisce the times that we sang "I Swear" by All 4 One at the bowling alley as a duet. These times have cemented in my heart a bond that will last forever with this guy. I'm sad already that this guy and Marie are leaving. Genuine doesn't come around too often in a broken and frail life. He came around when I needed him too, just to be my friend! He will always have an amazing place in my heart depending where he is as my buddy, my pal, my amigo. Miss you Bri!