Will. i. Am

. .there are limits to the power of the will. The will knows about survival and endurance; it can direct attention and energy; it can finish things. But we cannot remember a tune or a dream on willpower. . . The will by itself cannot heal the soul. And it cannot create.

-Lewis Hyde


I think we all create.

No?

Artsy

I wish there was a website labeled Artsy. I'm sure there is something out there with the same idea as Etsy, however; I wish devoted to art in all as a gallery. Speaking of showcasing art I enjoy using Instagram on my IPhone. If you guys haven't checked it out its a great app for filtering pictures and then making them look professional. (For all of us that can't make our photoshop pictures look professional) Art is becoming a great way for me to hide away when I need solace. It is a chance to explore a side of me that was never tapped before. Coming up on the holidays I have seen a way to curb my emotions a bit by working it out on canvas. A Brighter Day is coming. Through art, through companionship, through perserverance..... A Brighter Day is coming.

An Epiphany

 Fly Eagles Fly, On The Road To Victory.

Fight Eagles Fight, Score A Touchdown 1-2-3.

Hit 'Em Low.

Hit 'Em High.

And We'll Watch Our Eagles Fly.

Fly Eagles Fly, On The Road To Victory.

E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!!!

Hiatus

To quit or not to quit......

that is the question.

This blog has gotten me through some of the toughest times

in my life. I've been able to lay out some thoughts and I'm glad that I pushed myself to do so. I've had a chance to display some of my paintings and discover some hidden poetry within my soul. I 

must say that this blog has gotten me through some really hard times. For some it may seem like constant babbling; however I see it as a place to showcase, describe or even repent about some of the crazy things that have happened in my life. This decision will be thought out over the next few days, but as for now I'm still on the fence. When I started this I always told myself if I am going to have difficulty writing blogs. Well I have hit a block. Things are a bit better in my life and I have you to thank for it. Here's to the next three days of thought.

Fallen

Smiles

When I hear her voice.

After I read a thoughtful text.

When she spoils me with her cooking.

After she updates me on the Philly score.

When she reads her Bible with me.

After we exit from a long shift at work.

When we take a walk with her daughter.

After the Buffalo Wild Wings encounter.

When she brings my students individual goody bags.

After a late night phone call clinging to keep one eyelid open.

When I brush the butterflies out of my stomach.

After I let go of her hand as I finish our prayer.

When I kiss her on the cheek.

After every smirk, wink and giggle.

She makes my heart Smile.

Thought #1

For every chemical
You trade a piece of your soul
With no return
And who you think you know
Doesn't know you at all
Their drain is needless
Someday we'll wave hello
And wish we'd never waved goodbye
To this romance
We'll drink up every line
And shoot up every word
Till there's no more
Crashing down
Crashing down my friends
Only love
Only love can win
So cry these tears we'll cry as all
We've held so long to fall apart
As the curtain falls we bid you all goodnight

She.....

 She stood there and she was beautiful. Her face was full of worry, confusion, anger and she was upset. She stood there and i stood across from her, looking at her, unable to take my eyes off of her. While i was full of regret, she was lost in her own train of thought. Someone had to make her think though. Silence filled the air for longer then i realized at the time. She looked up but quickly away, avoiding my eyes that were visibly begging for hers, and in that instant her tears played tag along her cheeks, dripping aimlessly down to the floor, giving into gravity. But she was beautiful. Biting her lip out of shame for crying, she looked back down and in that instant, defeat took over her every inch. I stood there, my eyes still begging for hers, and I couldn't move. She was beautiful and I was numb. To check if I was alive, i took a step towards her, being drawn in by her beauty, then i took a few more, until i found myself quickly wrap my arms around her. She went to turn away cause she didn't find herself deserving of this, but i held her, deserving or not. I held her because i wasn't going anywhere, anytime soon and i didn't want to let her slip away from me like i did the rest, because She wasn't the rest, she was her and she was absolutely beautiful where she stood. I didn't let her go because, I couldn't, i wouldn't let myself. Her being there, within my arms, was my realization, the kind that's just a whisper in your ear. I pulled away and wiped away her tears. Finally, her eyes met mine. It was then that we both knew. She was everything. She was my beautiful girl and she is beautiful where she stands.

I was as you could say.........

Inspired

Free Painting

I need motivation for a painting. 

Actually, I have a ton of motivation and

thoughts for my next Canvas, just no takers as of yet. 

If you would like a canvas made by yours truly

including all of the love that goes into one, please

let me know and I'll get started working on it right away.

This offer doesn't come around too often and I'd like

it to go to someone who would enjoy it as much as 

I like making it.

Plagiarism 101

I have to admit...

I am a plagiarizer at heart. Here's my secret. 

I like to visit other blogs and sometimes steal 

their secrets (and pictures). 
Case in point 
Good But Hard. This is my

 sister Susannah's blog. She started her blog when

her daughter was born with profound hearing loss and

also while our family was going through the loss of

a loved one. I look to her from time to time

to inspire me on ideas on what to write about. As you 

can tell, lately the posts have been lackluster.
The holidays are coming up and I can't wait to spend it 
with my family. I hope to hang out for a good few days
with them and catch up on life. Its not that often that
I get an entire week off of school. Maybe it will start
a fire inside this tiresome mind of mine and give me ideas
in which I can inspire others. Work is tedious, yet it gives
me an outlet to look forward to tomorrow with a dime 
in my pocket and a smile on my face. Sometimes a few smiles.
By the way, my niece Monrovia is jetting through her years
too quickly. She is already like 6 in her pictures. Crazy

Touche.

For the love of......... Great Things.

I love making people smile through my art.

 I love my nieces

3 to 1

They slay my heart.

I love great concerts with really crappy seats.

I love my friends.

All 5 of them.

Just kidding :)

I love my life how it is no matter what the outcome. 

I have learned to live my life to the fullest.

It's worked out for me so far. 

What do you love about your life?

Reminds me of a certain someone.

R.I.P. Steve......

we lost a creator.

Thank You God........

Thank you God for

The children of mine

Who teach me

That blow my mind.

They entertain themselves

In the funniest ways.

I pray that the innocence

They possess never goes away...

what we need is here

Abandon,
as in love or sleep, 

holds them to their way

clear in the ancient faith

what we need is here.

And we pray, not
for new earth or heaven

 but to be quiet in heart 

and in eye clear. 

What we need is here.

In Transition

Feels so good to paint again. 

It's like starting all over.

I can't wait to do more.

Very addicting.

Benefits of Family.

Sometimes its good to have a good family

base around you when in times of trouble

and hardship. They can be there for you when

you need it the most, and just when you need

a most important pick me up. Family comes in

all shapes and sizes. For me, Family is just more

than my close knit Ruff, Prinz, Anderson Family.

It spreads out much further than that. I've needed some

serious pick me ups these past few weeks.

How can you not get a instagrin from this

one? She's amazing. If I could see her every

day, my life would be so much happier. My family

is what gets me through everyday. Not sure that you know,

but I'm a friends kinda guy. I love all of my friends.

I love em.

They pick me up on the worst of days. Wine bar friends,

school teacher friends, golf friends, church friends. All of

my friends are to blame for me being so happy lately.

and this one in general.

I'm glad that I was able to come across this

piece of humble pie. Something that I don't deserve,

but I will be very selfish and not let it go.

A wonderful person that has made my life amazing lately.

Like I say to all of my friends and my students...

she's pretty legit.

So I just want to thank you all for being a friend of mine.

You make me so happy at times when its needed most.

A friends a friend forever cause the welcome will not end!

Rejuvenation

Just what I Needed

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE.

Home is whenever I'm with you.

My frail body  seeks finalization.

Can it ever have a break from the 

continuous bad luck ride? Seems as if life

never can work out for the best.Hands down

my August and September have been the best two

months in about two years.

Plus Points.

Awesome new 3rd Grade Job

Freedom to pursue other key part time jobs

Met some new people, including some ones that i really like

Pretty much September was rocking, going along

great... until last week. Insert Diabetes Type 1. 

There always has to be a sensor or something that 

pops up in my life that when my life is so happy

it decides to screw everything up. I always want

to please everyone in my life. Family wise, work wise,

friend wise. I tried to please too many lately.

Now to square one.

Finding out how to make my life accessible to work,

family, friends, without overdoing myself.Having 

You in my life has helped a lot lately, I just wanted

You to know. A great addition to help me with my stride.

Thank You.

On the road to recovery...

Turmoil within a week.

 

Never before have I had something hit me this hard

in which I could have prevented it. Exhaustion has been

building and building until finally it broke.

I push myself to be the best Jonathan that I can

be, yet sometimes I do too much. Friday night I had a wonderful 

time at dinner and the Wizard of Oz Musical. It was amazing.

We had a great time! Great, Great, Great Time! 

Then comes Saturday Morning.... 

I'm rushed to the ER in Walnut Creek.

I wasn't feeling too well, and I'm not sure why.

Come to find out my blood sugar had taken a turn for the worse.

My insulin pump was not working, therefore my medicine was not

breaking down the sugars in my body. This sent my body into Ketoacidocis. Something that any Diabetic is fearful of

losing their life to. Average Sugar levels for me is 110-160. That's perfect range for myself. Anything higher or lower could hurt my

long term outcome. When I checked into the ER, my sugars were run at 1200. That number alone sends chills into my body. It's been a long week with amazing help from my family, friends, and my work's understanding. I need to find a medium to make my life not as stressful as it is. Take a bit off so that I'm not hurting myself and the others that are in my life around me. As I type this, I still am weak, recovering from this freakish occurrence that happened last week. I'm thinking of what I can do to repay the people around me that were there for me when I most needed them. This week was a difficult one. I'm thankful for the loved ones around me. Without you.... I wouldn't be here.

Thanks.

 

Smiles

Well look what we have here.....

I love getting notes on my truck

signed by a heart. It looks

like Mr. Ruff might have

a secret admirer. Now, I

need to find out who it is.

Hmmmmm......... 

Lost for so Long

I have seen your Grace
so lost for so long now
Simplicity of Grace calls
for celebration in my heart
Because I gave up somewhere
A face I've forgotten now
I am free. To give you my heart.
Today light penetrates my dark shadows
I see myself in you and it brings a smitten view
And I want you hand in hand to cross paths
left, right, over, under
so lost for so long now
What is love without You.......


J.R. 9/8

I am In Love.......

Ruby Adelia

You slay my heart.

You are still so young

but the happiness you bring

your uncle Johnny

is indescribable.

Do me a favor and never

grow up. I love you

So, So much.

Uncle Johnny



Attitude

There are certain things in life that just get old in life. 

I'm not talking about food, or stinky trash, or even torn clothes. Emotions, lifestyles, choices, attitudes. These things tend to get old after a while. I want to move on and figure out what is out there for me on an emotional level. I'll be the first to tell you that I made some really immature decisions in my long life. Now is the time to make up for them all. In my head, things are coming together as much as I can ponder. My attitude is at an all time high. Choices are made with a wiser head. Finding someone

with a heart of gold and bruises the same as me is doubtful, but feasible. Somewhere close there is an answer to a peaceful life. And that makes me happy today. Happiness makes the heart grow fonder.

why don't we take off alone
Take a trip somewhere far, far away
We'll be together all alone again
Like we used to in the early days
Well, well, well darling

It's been too long since we took the time
No-one's to blame, I know time flies so quickly
But when I see you darling
It's like we both are falling in love again
It'll be just like starting over, starting over

Our life together is so precious together
We have grown, we have grown
Although our love is still special
Let's take a chance and fly away somewhere

Starting over

John Lennon

Yum Yum

duck confit steamed buns

Picazo Cabernet 2007

Guinness gelatto

and.... The Notebook.

Did I just admit that? Is it alright that I watched only half of it?

:)

Smitten.

 

It's 1:31 in the am and I am full of butterflies. Life is good. I'm happy most days. My relationships are great. Meeting new people that have made me smitten all over again. My art as feeble as it comes, is making me take a second look as to where it might be headed. What first started out as a bucket to drown my tears in, I feel that it has matured into something new and creative. I was reminded this last week that I have a wonderful name. Jonathan. Gift of God. I stopped having people call me that because Jon just seemed so much easier. So these butterflies are making my life entirely too positive. I have good days and bad days. But the potential to make these good days great are very positive. Those speed bumps come along and they really sting at times. But in my life, I feel there is always something around the corner. I'm smitten at the possibilities in life. As I try to keep my eyes open at this hour, I think to myself of what a great life I have. My core. Friends, family, jobs.... they keep me going, and its just those opportunities that make me who I am today. Because of You.

My mama mama mama

Welcome to The Weekend

This week has gotten me really tired.

Maybe its my old bones, my loss of sleep

or the countless minutes that I have spent writing

plans for my future. But you know what, I can't complain.

I love it....and I love my nieces,

if you didn't know that already.

Time for some rest and relaxation of the weekend.

Kinda reminds me of a catchy song that I try to erase from my memory.

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

It's a brand new day.

And So it Begins.......

"Turmoil"

What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man, You cannot say, or guess, 

for you know only A  heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter,the cricket no relief, And the 

dry stone no sound of water. Only There is shadow under this red rock, 

(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

T.S. Eliot 

Secret Grace

 I can understand for this moment
whatever is happening in my life

However heavy my heart feels,
or how difficult the trials may be
I know I can keep on believing,
the myriad that make up

my thoughts and dreams.
I know darkness will fade into morning,
and with this dawn a new day, too.

I understand that our life is an empty canvas

waiting to be drawn out.
I know that we mold, create and shape our life.

With our faith, we trust, to be born again.
I try to lead by example, knowing
  that my smile merely brightens a day for others, 

while their reaction brings my heart closer to home.
I hope that my darkness is hidden from the rear view
  and our pain is halved by sharing the same feeling 

that others endure throughout a lifetime of grace.

JR 8/17