The Detailed Laughter in My Life

Monday, December 13, 2010

Tuesday

It's been a long week. I feel like days are running over into the next. I feel really tired.
I want to paint all of the time. I feel good about being semi employed. Round 2 of Judge Wapner hits me next Tuesday. I hate arguments with a passion. I wish having to go through the motions didn't exist. My Christmas Party at the winery is tomorrow night, that should be fun. Swingers Bowling starts 1st week in January, psyched about that. It's Christmastime and time for celebration. The Phillies signed Cliff Lee today, I'm super pumped

about this acquisition. Even though the Phillies are slowly turning into the National League Yankees, I still support my boys in Red. I'm tired and have a full day tomorrow. Have a great Tuesday!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Bombshell

I'm torn tonight, more than I have ever been in the past 2.5 years.
It is true that we are all betrayed by people in our life, but some examples are few and far between what others experience through their lives. I have been unaware and not informed about things in my life that are very pertinent with my maturation in life. They all knew it and I was blinded by the life. Blinded by a person that I thought did so much for everyone with his words and guidance in life. I have had plenty of people tell me that it was your choice, just deal with it. But no, that's not it. You haven't talked with me in almost a year now. Your life choice is now your life. I have said that I will keep praying for you, but just posting that you are an evangelical christian on your facebook doesn't do it for me. Man we've been through a bunch as a family and to hear what I heard tonight makes me more than sad..... it makes me disappointed. Piecing together my relationship for the past 15 or so years, within the last 5 months is tearing me apart. It would have been better if I was there with your other son to feel the shame he endured. You know I really feel left out on my Father's life. I should not feel that way. It's usually the other way around right. The estranged parent missing out on their son or daughters life because of life's misfortunes. Before typing this out I began writing out the words that came directly to my head. I've already been reminded tonight by one of my close friends in AZ that he has always been impressed by my control of my language, so I will refrain from the words that were typed out. I am just very disappointed with my 63 year old Father. Talking the life and living the life has never been included within a double life. So much to get out. Yes, so much however I will never get that chance. 1, even two was the extent that I thought. Hundreds makes my heart cry out Yahweh.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Playlist of Jon Ruff

Here are some songs that i've either discovered or re-discovered lately & that happen to be on repeat often while I do the daily stuff.

with or without you- Scala and Kolacny Brothers

The Call- regina spektor

Runaway (live)- Kanye West

Sigh no more- mumford and sons

How He Loves- David Crowder Band

apologize- pixie lott

The messenger- Linkin Park

Landslide-Tori Amos

Viva la Vida(cover)- Weezer
beautiful- Akon..... yes that Akon

Check these out, they are great songs that go unnoticed among the mass radio and satellite play.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Lyrics that hit the heart

I have never really been a fan of lyrics of songs. Pretty much the main reason I listen to music is for the sound and the tone or beat. Lately, I have been dissecting lyrics in songs as they come alive in certain songs. I write about certain songs on TDLML as if they are helping through certain situations in my life.

During my enriching marriage with Amy, I would find songs that I wished would remind me of our time together. I would listen to music and use that inspiration to help me plan special nights or use the lyrics to add to inspire my writing.

I like Coldplay. Chris Martin has a wonderful Prose while writing his songs. The song The Scientist has been a favorite of mine for a while. I used to dance with her to this because I thought that it was a great love song at the time.

Lately, I have been looking more into the lyrics as a cure to my consistent happiness. However as I was singing the lyrics to The Scientist the other day, the words hit me for a loop. It was just strange to me that we would dance to this song as a love song, when after 8 years of marriage the lyrics actually came to fruition. The bolded words were actually happening. It's weird how things happen like that sometime.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, Comin' in tails
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles, Chasin' tails
Comin' back as we are

Nobody said it was easy, Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

Alge-i don't know-ometry

Middle School Math. The most difficult thing that I don't ever remembering how to do. I'm sure that there are plenty of other people that know how to do this, (my buddy Johnny Saleman) however I was never able to get the hang of it. It is true that I need these math skills in my everyday life, I just wish that I knew ore about trigonometry and the tougher Algebra standards. The first day that I started teaching in Hayward, I was thrown into an algebra readiness class with 7th grade students. The everyday teacher left me notes asking me to introduce reciprocals and factoring binomials and trinomials including using protection while factoring. No notes, no examples for me to be guided on, nothing to go by but my extremely positive strong middle school math memory. It was a very tough day! I just remember the students laughing and joking about how the teacher wanted me to instruct them about Protection. No joke....... He told me in the notes that if I used humor about protection then the students would remember how to use the FOIL method; which is pertinent to binomials. The day ended with 6th period refusing to calm down. I don't think that I was or will ever be cut out to teach middle school math or at a secondary level.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

What makes you depressed

If a sad feeling goes on for too long, hurts too deeply, and makes it hard for you to enjoy the good things about your life, it's called depression.
Here are some of the signs and symptoms of depression: (from depression.org)

feeling empty or numb
feeling hopeless (like there's nothing to look forward to)
feeling guilty or worthless
feeling lonely or unloved
feeling irritable and annoyed a lot (every little thing gets on your nerves)
feeling like things are not fun anymore
having trouble keeping your mind on schoolwork or homework or getting bad grades
having trouble keeping your mind on things like reading or watching TV or not remembering what a book or a TV show was about
having less energy and feeling tired all the time
sleeping too much or not enough
not eating enough and weight loss or eating too much and weight gain
thinking about death or thinking about suicide
spending less time with friends and more time alone
crying a lot, often for no reason

Like myself, people who have depression may not even know it. Often it's a parent or teacher who notices behavior changes like the ones in the list above. Depression can run in families. Some people have depression after the loss of someone really close, such as a fruitshack parent; long-lasting problems at home, including divorce, or alcohol use. But people may be depressed for no apparent reason.

Depression has changed my life.

It's given me a chance to view my life and change what I need to for my future. I'm trying to change these details in my life to better myself for the future. It's tough tonight. Sorry for this entry, but sometimes I feel like I'm 60 yr. old living with a 25 yr. old. My life decisions are getting so out of my age range it drives me to figure out what is pertinent in my life. I'm getting old. Ughhhh. Anyway, check out my latest painting at the top, derived from the thoughts and notes from my Grandfather.