Sucks

I feel that I always let people down.

End of Story.

This 'n' That

TRIP

I am thinking of taking a trip. I'm not sure where yet, but I know that I need to take a trip. It probably won't be too far away, but it needs to be far enough so that I am able to take a break from the ever growing bubble that we call the Bay Area. This trip that I am thinking of taking will probably be out of state and will involve me going to a place that I haven't been to before. Any suggestions?


BUDS

Lately, I've been hanging out with some great people. People that can take the time just to sit and talk while drinking a glass of wine, mulling over life. I've always been a type of person that loves to interact with others. And in this past year, I feel that that strong part of my demeanor has diminished a bit. My buds are spread far apart throughout the country, so I try to bug them a lot and interrupt them throughout their day.


DAILY GIGS

I've been trying new things, painting, writing poetry, even trying to step out of my sheltered self boundary. The thing about change and Jonathan Ruff is that they don't usually go well together. It is like they are enemies at first, they have their battles, then they work on a relationship and solidify some ways to make it a reality. I really enjoy Camera work. I love taking pictures, I just wish I knew how to get the maximum effort out of the device itself by studying it a bit more.


OBSERVANCES

I feel older. Just by living life these past few years, I feel a tad bit aged. I feel that I've matured in my life choices and ideas. As many of you know I am a diabetic and have had certain issues with being high or low with my blood sugars throughout the years. My doctors let me know through the years that blood sugars can vary on attitudes and stress levels throughout the day. I used to have Insulin reactions all of the time when I was married. (I am not blaming my marriage or the state it was in for them) I just know that I was stressed out and depressed for a lot of the 8 years in which I was married. As of today I have not had an insulin reaction since before January of 2010. I feel happy. Not as tired. Not as exhausted. I feel content.


Have you had any new thoughts on me? I know some have commented on art, writing, and the overall demeanor of me. I enjoy you reading my blog. I love your comments. To tell you the truth, you are a big reason in helping me transition to my new life. I'm trying to become a better Jonathan in all that I do. Have a wonderful day.

Eye on the Prize

How are you doing? I'm sorry for being distant for a bit. I was just taking some time tonight to think about how thankful I am for my life and what completes it. I have a Chronic disease in which I will eventually fall victim to. It's a daily reminder to me that I have to take each day and treat it like it will be my last. I almost lost my life when I was thirteen. It is also a keen reminder that I need to love my life for what it's worth. My life has been pretty Sucky for a few years ending in my unfortunate separation from the only girl that I ever have truly cared for in my up and down life. It all comes to a head this week as I need to travel to Martinez and sit in front of a judge and argue dollars and sense. I've never been a fan of arguments as most people know. Arguing destroys relationships. It destroys healthy communication that is dire for people to grow within a community. I am very lucky that I have a healthy community of friends around me that can be there for me to talk life, push me towards the positive things that can make my life stronger than it has been and will hopefully be. Wednesday will most doubtingly be the toughest day in my life for quite a long time. It may be the last time that I see my former "everything" face to face. You never know how things will go after this. My heart still bleeds for us. It is now that I see that I need to fight my way through this quite the same way as I have taken other difficult obstacles in my life. I thank you for being there for me this past year. Each and everyone that I know I am thankful for you. You make me smile, which is very crucial as I enter this next step in my life. Thank You.

Every three days

Diabetes Mellitus

Just before my thirteenth birthday I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. The type that requires either daily injections of insulin or intravenous insulin through a pump worn daily. A few years ago, I was able to purchase an insulin pump that keeps my diabetes under a lot better control than the dreaded 6 shots that I took daily. I dread this disease. This chronic disease is slowly killing me and I know that I need to take better control of it since it is becoming one of the top killers in the world today. I have to admit, ever since leaving my house in 2009 I have not suffered an insulin reaction. It's really amazing. I used to have them all of the time while I was married. My doctors have told me that it could have been stress related and that was why I was always having them. But since 2009, I haven't had a low blood sugar that made me have "low" symptoms. It gets to be a bit too much after a while. With everything else adding up, I tend to put my diabetes on the back burner. Well, so much for the description of my health on my blog. Here's to health and better days for all of us!!