Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I know that things are broken
I know there’s too many words left unsaid
You say you have spoken, like the coward I am, I hang my head
You lay careless, your head on my chest
And don’t even look at me looking my best

And all these things I can’t describe, you would rather I didn’t try
But please, don’t cry you liar
Oh please, don’t cry you liar
Oh please, don’t cry you liar
Oh please, don’t cry you liar
Oh please, don’t cry you liar
Oh this love I have found, I detest

I'm really torn lately.....

Are we to love the sinner but hate the sin?

 The longer we are together
the larger death grows around us.
How many we know by now
who are dead! We, who were young,
now count the cost of having been.
And yet as we know the dead
we grow familiar with the world.
We, who were young and loved each other
ignorantly, now come to know
each other in love, married
by what we have done, as much
as by what we intend. Our hair
turns white with our ripening
as though to fly away in some
coming wind, bearing the seed
of what we know. It was bitter to learn
that we come to death as we come
to love, bitter to face
the just and solving welcome
that death prepares. But that is bitter
only to the ignorant, who pray
it will not happen. Having come
the bitter way to better prayer, we have
the sweetness of ripening. How sweet
to know you by the signs of this world!

Wendell Berry

My Secret

Now - here is my secret:

I tell it to you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God - that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love.

— Douglas Coupland

My first 36" by 48"

Better pictures to come once dry.

i'm sad tonight........

My buddy is leaving soon.

He's doing something that others never do.

Take a chance, a risk with his life and move away

from this large bubble we call the Bay Area.

I met Brian about 2 years ago when I was still working at the Restaurant. He's more than a friend... he's a brother. 

He's talked me through a bunch of things, when I just wanted to quit and throw in the towel. We go back and forth toward arguing about sports with my love for Philly and his love for the Bay. We discuss matters that don't mean much and matters that touch the heart. He has introduced me to the skill of bartending and the amazing ability to Karaoke. I can only laugh and reminisce the times that we sang "I Swear" by All 4 One at the bowling alley as a duet. These times have cemented in my heart a bond that will last forever with this guy. I'm sad already that this guy and Marie are leaving. Genuine doesn't come around too often in a broken and frail life. He came around when I needed him too, just to be my friend! He will always have an amazing place in my heart depending where he is as my buddy, my pal, my amigo. Miss you Bri!

Art is exciting.

I like to sit in my sister's living room and stare at a painting that she completed quite a while ago. It has many layers, many coats of paint and a special tear from the top layer of the bland green oil all of the way down to the base oil red. I think that I have looked at that painting more than and other one she has ever done. I study the little detail on the vast 50" by 60" canvas to learn as much as I can. I was so pumped tonight when trying out this linseed oil and turquoise oil mixture last night and as I was the oil separate from the paint, I noticed a very small detail of the turquoise paint crimping up as it looked like mini folds in the brain. I was so happy that I could create that texture on one of my paintings. I was pretty impressed also. Just another check on the "Small things that make me inspired for my new trek in life" list. And life goes on....... Have a Great Sunday everyone!!!!

Zoo Trip with the ladies......