My Secret

Now - here is my secret:

I tell it to you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God - that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love.

— Douglas Coupland

My first 36" by 48"

Better pictures to come once dry.

i'm sad tonight........

My buddy is leaving soon.

He's doing something that others never do.

Take a chance, a risk with his life and move away

from this large bubble we call the Bay Area.

I met Brian about 2 years ago when I was still working at the Restaurant. He's more than a friend... he's a brother. 

He's talked me through a bunch of things, when I just wanted to quit and throw in the towel. We go back and forth toward arguing about sports with my love for Philly and his love for the Bay. We discuss matters that don't mean much and matters that touch the heart. He has introduced me to the skill of bartending and the amazing ability to Karaoke. I can only laugh and reminisce the times that we sang "I Swear" by All 4 One at the bowling alley as a duet. These times have cemented in my heart a bond that will last forever with this guy. I'm sad already that this guy and Marie are leaving. Genuine doesn't come around too often in a broken and frail life. He came around when I needed him too, just to be my friend! He will always have an amazing place in my heart depending where he is as my buddy, my pal, my amigo. Miss you Bri!

Art is exciting.

I like to sit in my sister's living room and stare at a painting that she completed quite a while ago. It has many layers, many coats of paint and a special tear from the top layer of the bland green oil all of the way down to the base oil red. I think that I have looked at that painting more than and other one she has ever done. I study the little detail on the vast 50" by 60" canvas to learn as much as I can. I was so pumped tonight when trying out this linseed oil and turquoise oil mixture last night and as I was the oil separate from the paint, I noticed a very small detail of the turquoise paint crimping up as it looked like mini folds in the brain. I was so happy that I could create that texture on one of my paintings. I was pretty impressed also. Just another check on the "Small things that make me inspired for my new trek in life" list. And life goes on....... Have a Great Sunday everyone!!!!

Zoo Trip with the ladies......

Attempts at Art and Poetry

In my mind the idea of losing is prevalent.

Relations, thoughts, opportunities come often,

yet swiftly get taken away by irreplaceable loss.

Daily practice is recurring

rehabbing through art is strengthening

 while continuing to lose the names, titles and places

  in which I wish I could still be at.

None of these will bring disaster.

But it can make it hard for the necessity of Growth.

 

I've lost family, a connection, a lifetime.

 We Lose something every day. 

With loss comes growth and a chance for redemption.

Growth is funny. It opens doors for feeble hearts 

to shine like never before. 

 

The Road Least wanted to Travel

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost