poetic

My mind is full of many thoughts
That clutter and confuse.
But standing firm, I will prevail,
In faith that I'll be used.
In a way my life is full of burdens
But in a way You carry them from me
Cause no one understands the way You do
And you know
I don't want to fall away from
YOU

Rain Down on Me

The rain reminds me of sad days within my life that I wish that I could change or do all over again. These days make me sad because in my heart I know that I was the sole generator of certain emotions that struck a chord within my heart and unfortunately a second party. I remember that Sunday a while back when I made my sister Susannah cry. The selfish attitude that I potrayed that morning I will never forget. I remember finding out the news a day before she notified me. I was so upset that my childhood best friend did not let me know before being congratulated by twenty or so church members that morning. However, as we sung "all for you and for your glory" at the now defunct All Nations Church, all that I could think about was myself. As she struggled through the chorus tears started to run down my face as I realized what I had done. My faith clears up rainy days. It's not so much an east coast weather pattern where it has 4 or 5 months of summer and then instant winter, but a west coast pattern that has mostly sunny days, but rain off and on. Because my life is mostly sunny, but I need that reminder where I will have those difficult dreary days where I won't be able to hang with it. So a few days of rain here and there won't hurt you, right?

Brother Time

How do you get brothers with crazy schedules to hang out for
a night? Well, first you catch one off guard by telling them at 7:30 p.m.
to drive 30 minutes and bring some food while he supplies the wine.

In our case, it wasn't going to be wine that we were drinking tonight. It
turned out to be Matt's special concoction with a special addition of absinthe.
While picking out a few pizza crusts at the store, I thought of some toppings that we could add to make our pizza delish. On top of the tasty crust, I added some pesto-basil
cream sauce.

Slivered between the Colby jack and Mozzarella cheeses we snuck in some
prosciutto meat. I joked with Matt that we needed to open our own pizza store because
the final product was utterly amazing.
What better way to share a Cool, wet, dreary Sunday night than
great conversation with brothers (minus mark) and awesome pizza.

It was a bummer this time that the nieces were asleep, however; we were able to have some much needed bonding brother time. I'm not much of a cook, however I will be proud
to say that this pizza looked and tasted Scrumptious!!!!

Every three days

Diabetes Mellitus

Just before my thirteenth birthday I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. The type that requires either daily injections of insulin or intravenous insulin through a pump worn daily. A few years ago, I was able to purchase an insulin pump that keeps my diabetes under a lot better control than the dreaded 6 shots that I took daily. I dread this disease. This chronic disease is slowly killing me and I know that I need to take better control of it since it is becoming one of the top killers in the world today. I have to admit, ever since leaving my house in 2009 I have not suffered an insulin reaction. It's really amazing. I used to have them all of the time while I was married. My doctors have told me that it could have been stress related and that was why I was always having them. But since 2009, I haven't had a low blood sugar that made me have "low" symptoms. It gets to be a bit too much after a while. With everything else adding up, I tend to put my diabetes on the back burner. Well, so much for the description of my health on my blog. Here's to health and better days for all of us!!

Happy medium

This is where I need to find it. I want to find that area where it
is peaceful. For years and years I have always been told that I am
either in the best mood or in a lousy mood. I don't know if it is the effect
of head trauma at the age of thirteen or my impending divorce or my diagnosis
of diabetes type 1 at 12 years old or my fathers choice to leave us. I enjoy having many, many friends; however I can not be the friend to its potential if I am
all over the place with my moods. There are times when I am on cloud nine and nothing can bring me down, and others when I shut down and I become the person no one wants to talk with. Doctors have given me prescription to be at a "happy medium" through daily pills
however I have chosen not to take them. One day I hope that I can find that happy medium that
I am searching for. In the meantime, please pardon my struggle for that ever so difficult gray area.

ADAM

Adam Clayton I am just getting to love you more and more. We have had a rocky relationship through the years, however you are growing on me! Everytime that I see you close up, you amaze me at the level of skill that you bring to my favorite band that make them who they are today. You have come a long way from the 1983 Blonde fro days that made me question your irish style. I can't wait to see your expertise come next June.

:)

My Sister Susannah is awesome. She sets a bar for me to look up to at all times. I would give my right shaky hand for her daughters if anything were to happen to them. I love her to death. We have been close ever since we were young. I look at my sister and ask myself... Could I pull that off, can I be as cool as her. Her Husband is pretty legit too. He never glances at this blog, so I'd liked to give a shot out to MTP also. Great Father, Brother and Pastor. Sooz has started me into a bunch of hobbies that I don't belong in. Bead necklaces, Mix tapes and CD's, my first love for Jamocha Swiss Almond ice cream at Baskin Robbins, Art of any sort, and my fascination of U2. I owe a lot to my sister. A lot. When I've been gone from her for a while, she always knows when to reel me back in to reality. This past year, she has been there for me. Asking me, rather pleading me to come hang with my two loves(Monrovia, and Ruby). It always gets me in a good mood, even though I don't want to get out of that mood. This post is for my sister.. blogger, Artist, overall mom extraordinaire.