Every three days

Diabetes Mellitus

Just before my thirteenth birthday I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. The type that requires either daily injections of insulin or intravenous insulin through a pump worn daily. A few years ago, I was able to purchase an insulin pump that keeps my diabetes under a lot better control than the dreaded 6 shots that I took daily. I dread this disease. This chronic disease is slowly killing me and I know that I need to take better control of it since it is becoming one of the top killers in the world today. I have to admit, ever since leaving my house in 2009 I have not suffered an insulin reaction. It's really amazing. I used to have them all of the time while I was married. My doctors have told me that it could have been stress related and that was why I was always having them. But since 2009, I haven't had a low blood sugar that made me have "low" symptoms. It gets to be a bit too much after a while. With everything else adding up, I tend to put my diabetes on the back burner. Well, so much for the description of my health on my blog. Here's to health and better days for all of us!!

Happy medium

This is where I need to find it. I want to find that area where it
is peaceful. For years and years I have always been told that I am
either in the best mood or in a lousy mood. I don't know if it is the effect
of head trauma at the age of thirteen or my impending divorce or my diagnosis
of diabetes type 1 at 12 years old or my fathers choice to leave us. I enjoy having many, many friends; however I can not be the friend to its potential if I am
all over the place with my moods. There are times when I am on cloud nine and nothing can bring me down, and others when I shut down and I become the person no one wants to talk with. Doctors have given me prescription to be at a "happy medium" through daily pills
however I have chosen not to take them. One day I hope that I can find that happy medium that
I am searching for. In the meantime, please pardon my struggle for that ever so difficult gray area.

ADAM

Adam Clayton I am just getting to love you more and more. We have had a rocky relationship through the years, however you are growing on me! Everytime that I see you close up, you amaze me at the level of skill that you bring to my favorite band that make them who they are today. You have come a long way from the 1983 Blonde fro days that made me question your irish style. I can't wait to see your expertise come next June.

:)

My Sister Susannah is awesome. She sets a bar for me to look up to at all times. I would give my right shaky hand for her daughters if anything were to happen to them. I love her to death. We have been close ever since we were young. I look at my sister and ask myself... Could I pull that off, can I be as cool as her. Her Husband is pretty legit too. He never glances at this blog, so I'd liked to give a shot out to MTP also. Great Father, Brother and Pastor. Sooz has started me into a bunch of hobbies that I don't belong in. Bead necklaces, Mix tapes and CD's, my first love for Jamocha Swiss Almond ice cream at Baskin Robbins, Art of any sort, and my fascination of U2. I owe a lot to my sister. A lot. When I've been gone from her for a while, she always knows when to reel me back in to reality. This past year, she has been there for me. Asking me, rather pleading me to come hang with my two loves(Monrovia, and Ruby). It always gets me in a good mood, even though I don't want to get out of that mood. This post is for my sister.. blogger, Artist, overall mom extraordinaire.

Happy Halloween

Halloween has always been a hit or miss holiday for me throughout my life.

When I was young we were unable to celebrate the fun time of trick or treating and dressing up because I remember being told that it was the devils holiday. I really didn't understand what


that meant because I was so young, I

just wanted to dress up and get candy. My sister Susannah and I used to plop ourselves on the couch in front of the living room window and watch kids walk up to our front door, just to be shoo'd off by an unanswered door.

Upon moving to CA, my parents softened their stance a bit and let us trick or treat locally. Maybe this memory is why I enjoy dressing up every once and a while for fun.

Better yet my siblings have been equally involved in the costume rumpus. I think it let's you get out some hidden laughter once or twice, or maybe even more while you have some fun.

This year I don't think I will have time to participate with work and all, however here's to a great Halloween 2010 and all of the great costumes out there.

things i like today 12:13 a.m.

1. Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, It will set you free Be more like the man you were made to be.

2. CHICHARITO









3. Siblings more than ever.

4. Health Insurance

5. Oil Paint

6. Tissues

7. Jameson

8. The upcoming holidays

9. opportunity to teach math intervention full time

10. A meaningful song, that I can pull a thought out of

11. Coffee with my mom

12. Grace

13. A very comfortable bed

14. years starting without being sheltered

15. Michael Diamond, Minnesota Fats, Ricky Pierce, J. Theodore Saleman

i gave you all

Been thinking a lot lately about life status and where that sets me apart from others. My roommate Brendan said something to me within a conversation tonight within the confines of Apt. 25 that had nothing to do with, but brought up memories about my marriage. Upon proposing to ms. Lagrant, I made it a point to to discuss the future and the outlook on each of our views for which we were headed. As I went through the 8.5 years that I dated her, my mind became blurry on what I should do with my life. She was in to nice things, and I provided her things that she wanted. To the amazement of others, I always seemed to spoil her with things that were a bit out of the ordinary, but were appreciated I thought. This is not out of the ordinary for me since I enjoy being generous with the people that I love. Within the conversation tonight, I thought back to a time when I took ms. LaGrant out on a date in San Francisco, within the financial district. I had thought for weeks on a great place that would be great for me to take her. New and hip that she would like, and a bit more pricey equaling the snobby effect. I bought a bouquet of peonies -her favorite- that I hand picked from a peony farm in the hayward hills. I remember telling myself never to tell her where I purchased the flowers, because she would not enjoy them as much as if I told her that I went to pick them. Pretty Sad right? So back to the date. I took ms. LaGrant to a great italian restaurant South of Market within the Alley. It was an alley with three or four restaurants to choose from. The one that I researched was reasonably priced at about 20-25 dollars a plate. The food looked fabulous and smelled even better. However... she didn't want to go to this particular restaurant because she said the outside seating seemed dirty and she didn't want to pay to eat there. So we chose a seafood restaurant right next door. I remember as I shucked my garlic and butter filled oyster that one question that still burns in my mind today. She commented, "Do you think that you can provide for me for the next 40 some odd years in this capacity? Because this is the type of life that I enjoy living" That one question beat me up for a while. I'm not used to having to set a goal that is set upon me, that I know was just proposed to me as a statement to say that it's over. We set our goals as a couple prior to 6/1/2002. That one question was the beginning of the end in my eyes. I could buy ms. LaGrant a dozen peonies every week, buy her a Coach designer purse every month, travel 30 miles to the Moraga TJ maxx to buy her Seven designer jeans weekly and these all wouldn't do the trick. It is better for both of us to find out now. This is the detailed laughter of my life. Even though I show a facade daily to some, it burns inside more than anyone could know.

But I gave you all

Close my eyes for a while
Force from the world a patient smile

But I gave you all

But you rip it from my hands
And you swear it's all gone
And you rip out all I have
Just to say that you've won