I MISS MY ("FATHER")

OCTOBER 16TH 2008

I miss him. I really do. As much as I really want to tell myself never to talk to the guy again, I miss him. All of the lies, betrayals, stories that he's told my family, I still miss him. This is the reason. I hate Swearing. I hate it. Ever since I was young I told myself that I would never use language in any capacity. Now "to each his own" is what I always say. Some people have their own relationship with four letter words, but I never have wanted one. Until October 16th. That's when I use it in certain capacity. I am in a difficult predicament. It is so hard to forgive a person that does not want to be forgiven. No matter what your religious preference, if one does not want to hold their hand out, it will not happen. My life has been rocked the past two years. I mean to the point that we don't even need to discuss. I am done being emotional. It is holding me back. From me attaining my dreams, from me starting a family, from me living a normal life. As much as I want to let go and let him live his life, it's so hard to. Why can't you follow what you taught US, THEM to. I know people have their preference, but we are still here. Don't forget us. Don't leave me like a bad habit. I will be here as long as you are here if not longer, praying for you, hoping for you. I need to get over the sentiment "Why us" and look to the future in how I can help you. I know that you still have Him in your heart. I Love You. You will never know how difficult it is for us. 5th time in the year I weep.