This 'n' That

TRIP

I am thinking of taking a trip. I'm not sure where yet, but I know that I need to take a trip. It probably won't be too far away, but it needs to be far enough so that I am able to take a break from the ever growing bubble that we call the Bay Area. This trip that I am thinking of taking will probably be out of state and will involve me going to a place that I haven't been to before. Any suggestions?


BUDS

Lately, I've been hanging out with some great people. People that can take the time just to sit and talk while drinking a glass of wine, mulling over life. I've always been a type of person that loves to interact with others. And in this past year, I feel that that strong part of my demeanor has diminished a bit. My buds are spread far apart throughout the country, so I try to bug them a lot and interrupt them throughout their day.


DAILY GIGS

I've been trying new things, painting, writing poetry, even trying to step out of my sheltered self boundary. The thing about change and Jonathan Ruff is that they don't usually go well together. It is like they are enemies at first, they have their battles, then they work on a relationship and solidify some ways to make it a reality. I really enjoy Camera work. I love taking pictures, I just wish I knew how to get the maximum effort out of the device itself by studying it a bit more.


OBSERVANCES

I feel older. Just by living life these past few years, I feel a tad bit aged. I feel that I've matured in my life choices and ideas. As many of you know I am a diabetic and have had certain issues with being high or low with my blood sugars throughout the years. My doctors let me know through the years that blood sugars can vary on attitudes and stress levels throughout the day. I used to have Insulin reactions all of the time when I was married. (I am not blaming my marriage or the state it was in for them) I just know that I was stressed out and depressed for a lot of the 8 years in which I was married. As of today I have not had an insulin reaction since before January of 2010. I feel happy. Not as tired. Not as exhausted. I feel content.


Have you had any new thoughts on me? I know some have commented on art, writing, and the overall demeanor of me. I enjoy you reading my blog. I love your comments. To tell you the truth, you are a big reason in helping me transition to my new life. I'm trying to become a better Jonathan in all that I do. Have a wonderful day.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Fearfully

Wonderfully

Made

So I've been painting some stuff lately that I've tied a bunch of thoughts and ideas from my life onto Canvas. I feel that when I start working on a piece I just let the imagination flow and then I figure out how to go from there. I wish that I could get some insight from people on how they think these look, but its hard to get an unbiased view. I live in a family of very talented people. In everything they do. It's just tough to see if this is a pipe dream to pass the time, or if it is something that I should start seriously doing. I mean by "seriously" putting more effort into it then the 2:00 am painting sesh. All that I know is I love creating for people and if they think that it looks good, then that is all the recognition that I need.

Lamenting Life

But you and I now

We can be alright

Just hold on to what we know is true

You and I now

Though it's cold inside

Feel the tide turning

Challenges Met

Every Day my life is evolving
taking turns while making life a challenge.
Isn't that true for everyone though?
People go through a struggle
all of the time in life.
The question is, how do you take
that struggle and work on it so that
your life is a success.
Today, I was sitting in on a teacher's lesson
and she was discussing time order
and sequence, while connecting similar ideas within
their writing.
I came across a student's writing and noticed
a wonderful example of a way that she
could improve her writing sequence.
She wrote, "You can sit around and complain about
your bad luck, on the other hand you can look for a way to solve
your problems." WOW !!!!
That is coming from a fourth grader.
She sees the challenge and found a way to work towards defeating that challenge.

These are the key points that I want to be a part of as the students perception
of education matures into a very important reality.

Someday

Someday I will be able to not worry every day about picking up a job just to scrape by.
Someday I will be able to buy my son Eagles onsie's and toddler outfits.
Someday I will be able to express my generous heart to someone in need.
Someday I will be able to not live life vicariously through others.
Someday I will be able to love another once again.
Someday I will be able to reach out to others as I once did.
Someday I will be able to share my heart with my true soul mate.
Someday I will be able to laugh as I once did for so many years.
Someday I will be able to paint you a beautiful piece from your inspiration.
Someday I will be able to live medically free.
Someday I will be able to touch an entire class through the means of my educating.
Someday I will be able to make everyone happy that I entered into their life.
Someday I will be able to enjoy every moment with you, just like our beginning
Someday I will be able to live as I was meant to live.

J.R.

Beasties

Choose one band (out of the many!) that would represent my high school years, it would definitely be the Beastie Boys. These guys beats were infectious from the first time that I heard them. I could never forget the first time I heard Licensed to Ill. It was a staple at every. single. house party and dance since the early nineties. But while that album might have put the Beasties on the radar, I really connected with them on Paul's Boutique. It seems like yesterday that I bought my tape at City Records in Pleasanton. Ahhh.... the good old days of cassette tapes! Those silly Beastie Boys decided to produce them in different colors. Do you remember? Mine was green -- what color was yours?

But more importantly, I had my first real kiss to "Hey Ladies!" While I've never been a real fan of the tapes, I'm still a proud owner of Paul's Boutique on tape!! Anyway, enough with the reminiscing! I will continue to support AD Rock, Mike D and MCA until they are grey and rockin' walkers. I'm committed, yo!

Their latest album, Hot Sauce Committee, Pt. 1, is due for release sometime this year. It was supposed to come out last year, but was put on hold after Adam Yauch (MCA) was diagnosed with throat cancer. Release dates seem to be vague -- maybe September, possibly December? Either way, I just wanted to make sure you knew about it.

Do you have a band you've followed since high school?

I need a new Life

Emotionally yes.
Physically, even though it wouldn't hurt to start a new life Chronic disease free and void of after effects of Head Trauma, I'll just stick with the life that I have. I've vented in forums before about the different gifts that have been dealt to me over the past few years, whether amazing or downright sucky. The thing is though, my thoughts have to be told somewhere, and to someone. When my Father decided to do his little flip flop a few years ago it took me by surprise. I mean I'm usually never taken back like I was on that night, back in October of 2008. Some of us know that he would have probably been content living the life he was living moving forward if he was not found out that blistery fall night. However, it really is difficult for me to sit and watch the deterioration of a once prominent man that I so longingly looked up to along with many, while his life is spiraling two new lows. I have not found a commonplace where I can meet him yet. Yes he is my Father and the only one that I will ever have, but I have still not reached that place yet. I am trying to find a way to figure him back into my life, but his sin is pushing him farther and farther away from me. I would love it if I could turn back the sands of time and been able to have that conversation again. He knows that talk. The one in 2008 while the Phillies were clinching the NL East just before entering the playoffs. It really would not have changed the outcome of what would occur a few days later, but it would probably had given me time to talk with him one on one, before he decided to take off from our life. It's just really difficult for me to figure that it's not only such a difficult lifestyle that he chose over us, but the downward spiraling effect that he has endured the past few years and in turn I have felt that burden on my heart. I just really wish that I could have that man that loved God so very much, that wanted to be in touch with every nook and cranny of his 4 kids lives and was devoted to their future welfare back in that form. The thing that is so disheartening to me, is that it will never happen. My new life, starting soon will entail a new adventure. Looking toward the positive and not adding to the negative points in life. A new emotional life to go with my scarred, physical exterior could start taking me places. Emotions can always be worked on, start by building it from the ground up.