When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
And high up above earth or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones
And I will try to
FIX YOU

Puts a smile on my face every time

Just a minor detail in my life.
I love U2.
From the first time my sister played me
U2's first single "Out of Control", I was instantly hooked on the raw sound. The four Irish blokes really don't even know the magnitude of emotional support that they give their fans through their meaningful, lyrical ballads. This song in particular has been my favorite ever since 1987. I remember it was in the spring right before the Ruff family moved out to Cali when my sister popped a double sided u2 tape in the good old station Wagon. And that's when the addiction kicked in. Whether it's the 8 concerts that I have attended (4 front row), or the crazy memorabilia that keeps adding up, or the search for the latest u2 song/remix, I will never lose my love for the boys from Ireland. This specific video from Slane Castle is and has been my favorite of all the "Out of Control" performances, because they sing this song verbatim from their first concert in 1981. So if you ever want me to sing this song to you verbatim, I will not have any problems remembering the lyrics while singing my karaoke heart out. Enjoy :)

My Buddy Monrovia Scarlet Scout Prinz

There are many people in this world that I love. I love them for all sorts of reasons. Because they are family, because they are a friend to me, or because I just think they are the CAT'S pajamas. Nothing compares to my adoration for my niece Monrovia scarlett scout Prinz. April 13th 2008 (the day after) was the first day that I met this amazing little girl. RoRo was born with profound hearing loss a
difficult pill to take for anyone being brought into this world. My Sister and my Brother in law were hit so hard with the fresh news upon the days and months following her birth that they really didn't know what to do. I remember the anguish that I dealt with the day my sister told me what the Doctors revealed to them. Why her, why my sister, what have they done to deserve this? Monrovia has been through a lot in her lifetime. She deals with more Dr. visits and travel time to her AWESOME school http://www.deafkidstalk.org/site/
than anyone can imagine. However; every day she is learning something new and is motivating not just me, but everyone that meets her! Monrovia has been such a bright spot in my gloomy and dreary 09-10. I try to tell myself if RoRo can do it, then I can get myself through the difficult situations, while hopefully making a few people smile. When Monrovia was born, I gave my sister a cd with U2 songs made into beautiful lullabies.
http://store.rockabyebabymusic.com/ecom2/index.php/music/rockabye-baby-lullaby-renditions-of-u2.html
I was so sad and mad at the same time, that she was not able to hear our favorite band. However, by the grace of GOD, and tons of hard work, Monrovia with her cochlear implants (http://goodbuthard.blogspot.com/2008/09/for-instance.html) is now able to hear everything around her. And one day, she will know the effects that she has had on everyone around her during the first two years of her life. Thank you buddy for your inspiration, you are very uplifting to me :)

Amazing...................

From time to time I have trouble reminding myself of why I choose to support teams from the one and only Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I have lived in California for almost 20 years and I continually have given my support to my Phillies, Flyers, Sixers and Eagles, amid speculation from my friends that I am insane. However, my thoughts are if you enjoy something that you like in your life that is always there for the better or worse, you should stick by it until it becomes unbearable. And even after that continue to focus on a cure and eventually it will turn around. Few things do not work out :(........... but if they do rebound and turn around you should rejoice in the moment. The past few years have been difficult for a ton of people that I know, IE: friends, family, co-workers, etc... I can include myself in that large group and also add that my friends, family, and co workers have really helped me get through this tough span. However, I get a little extra motivation in my daily grind when my team is winning. My beloved Phillies have been in the World Series the past two years winning it once and have a chance to go back again this year. My Eagles have done pretty well for a while, not winning the big game, but they are always a presence. The 6'ers...... well let's skip them. The Flyers on the other hand have been doing very well this year. They have a new coach, a young team, and an amazing goaltender that just joined the 1st team 6 games ago. My team in ORANGE are two games away from returning to the Stanley Cup Final. The Phillies carried me through an indescribable year in 08 with an emotional victory and I'm hoping that the Flyers can also add to that in 2010. I know that it sounds selfish, and maybe even a little crazy that I'm hoping for this, but I think it will just add to my tumultuous roller coaster of a year.

Three nights a week to clear my head

Sunday night, Monday night, Tuesday night. These nights are probably the best thing going for me these days. All three are equal in that I am able to get the stress out of my day to day life at that present moment or whatever I am dealing with in my head. Lately, I have had some really traumatic things happen in my life and I am really afraid that if I keep them inside, somehow it will be destructive to my inner being. Enter Sunday night, Monday night and Tuesday night. Softball A break from my stress in my jobs, my broken relationships and everything else that disappoints me and lets me down. I am so down and out these days, but somehow my teammates bring about positive pressure points on my broken endorphins. Each night is different. Sunday night is a team that I have joined because there are a few players that have been absent because of work. Monday night is my baby. I have been on this team for about 10 years. It started as a Church team, however we have since used the name as a sponsor even though half of the team don't attend the Church. Last year we took the Championship and was our second for that team. My Tuesday night team is a bit more competitive and have been in the running every year. I love this team because everyone is so good. However I do get ticked off a bit more when I miss a play because all eyes are counting on that final out. Each team is different with the way that we play and the way that we score. One has great offense, The others have great defense. However the best part about softball is the joy that I get being out there with the guys three times a week. I get to laugh, I get to yell at the outfield (in my glove), because they miss a play forcing in an errant run, and I get to celebrate having fun. Sports have always been linked to Jon Ruff, since I was young. It was my savior rehabilitating me when I was coming out of the hospital in '91, it has helped me through difficult times in high school and it is helping me clear my head with all of my tough, hurtful, destructive thoughts that I deal with weekly. I can thank softball for giving me a few nights a week to be at peace out on the diamond. Even if it is for a few moments before I see the Ump make the first of many horrendous calls throughout the night!

The tiny Details of Education

As I sit in Room 38 and gaze out at the students, I wonder to myself if my efforts in the classroom are really making a CHANGE. I love my work in the classroom; at least I have for the past four years. I knew it was going to be a difficult task stepping foot back into the class as a SUBSTITUTE after being pink slipped last year; but I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. I recently completed a 5 month position for a very close friend who was out on maternity leave. As disappointed that I was to leave 38, I knew that it was a great time for Her to come back and see the progress of her little kiddos. I am very glad that she is back in the classroom; however I am a bit afraid that the students behaviors will get to her eventually. Entering any classroom as a temporary teacher is a difficult task when the students need to prove their worth over you. I don't know if it's the area or the environment that the students in 38 grow up in, but the attitudes and behaviors that these angels equip are completely unacceptable. I have really never had a problem with classroom management until I came across this particular assignment. My heart grieves every time I enter the hall at this school and I see my first student of the day. Whether its a star student or one of my most difficult, I know that my voice, my command, my comedy and my instruction will be met with a harsh realizationof the real world. Let me reiterate again, I don't think my classroom management plan is the problem. Is it time for me to find a new career and move somewhere far, far away from California? It's a tough question to ask fresh into my 30's, but once I figure something out I may have a bit more peace in my life.